I have this profoundly sad job that I must do almost every month.

I manage our foster home’s formula project, and one of my tasks is to keep our database up-to-date with each child’s growth records, latest pictures, and current information. When a child “graduates” our project, their record is archived. I particularly like archiving the records of children who have been adopted. I don’t even mind archiving the ones who have turned one year old (when most children graduate), especially when their growth records reflect a healthy start.

But almost every month, I must archive other children as well… the children who die. So many of the orphanages’ children have serious special needs. These children are in an uphill battle for survival, and no matter what we do, we can’t save them all. The death of these children is sad, but in some ways it is becoming “normal.” I don’t like it. But, it is reality. We do what we can, and we keep fighting even when we lose some battles. It is a bit disturbing to me that this has become “normal” to me. I haven’t taken the time to fully process all that it means if I’m existing in a world where children dying is a normal part of life. The reality is, we all exist in that kind of world — it’s just most of us can ignore it because it isn’t happening under our noses.

The thing that is really so profoundly sad to me is that most likely the sum total of their memorial service is me clicking the “archive” button. It’s like they just disappeared. No one misses them. If it weren’t for the archived record in our database, would anyone even know they existed?

12 thoughts on “Gone

  1. Your last paragraph really tears at my heart. I know HE knows everyone one of them, but it doesn’t take away the sadness and injustice of their life here on earth. Sending up tearfilled prayers for these precious little souls.


  2. Tami took the words right out of my mouth… Like she said, I know our Father in Heaven knows them all by name, and each of their lives are significant to Him. But it doesn't dim the fact that this earth is so inadequate and filled with sadness and injustice. This posting also brought tears to my heart. What a profound thought to post…something we also should ponder the reality of for a time. Thanks for all you do…what a difficult job, even if it is becoming a bit “normal” to you… it's a dose of eye-opening reality for us! <><


  3. This profoundly sad. I wish all of America could see your post.

    Nonetheless, God heard every one of their little cries and answered by taking them home. They hunger for nothing now.


  4. Thank you for speaking up for those who cannot speak for themselves. You are doing amazing work and I know that it is sometimes a sacrifice for you. Please know that there are people over here in the U.S. who anxiously wait for each of your posts because we know we are going to be encouraged and convicted.




  5. Carrie,

    I totally agree with what Tami said.
    He knows each and every one of them, and remembers them. He also knows what you and others like you are trying to do for these precious little ones. You are a blessing.
    We are constantly lifting you up.
    Alycia and family


  6. I have agree with Tami as well, He knows their names, and they are no longer orphans now for they are home.
    Your last paragraph had me in tears and for those who never had a chance at a family or to know what love is. And then I read that Emily has a family. I read that and remembered your previous post about her asking why she did not have a family and if it was because she wasn’t pretty. I can only imagine the joy and excitement when she found out she was getting a family. I am overjoyed right now for her. I can’t wait to hear more.



  7. Tears here. BUT..
    I echo others in that HE cares, HE died for THEM, HE will hold them in his arms for eternity. How one deals with death without the hope and promise of John 3:16 is beyond my comprehension.
    May God give you strength to comfort those precious little lives for however long he “loans” them to you!


  8. I have to believe that not only does the Father care, but surely their birth parents must care…I think that birth parents MUST miss their children every day…how horrible not to know their fate…did they live, die, were they adopted, are they happy, prospering? I just can’t imagine.
    You are making an eternal difference.
    Press on sister!


  9. I can’t help but think of the song “He knows my name.” Christ does know the heart and name of each of these children.

    I’m so sorry that this is becoming normal to you. I’ll be praying for you and for those who care for these children. May we never forget.


  10. Tears! He is so aware. You have such a difficult job!!!! My heart aches for the orphans in China – I have no idea of the reality. Prayers for your heart! Keep your eyes on the amazing miracles you are seeing.

    He sure has put you in a BIG place – he has given you all that it takes.

    Hugs! Ashley


  11. What a powerful post. I don’t understand why God chose to bring these children into the world to be “archived” just a short time later. There are just some things our humans brains can’t know.
    Thank you for sharing these moving thoughts and for all you’re doing for these children.


  12. We have such an “angel” like this little one in heaven now. Our referral for a baby girl with cl/cp passed away before we could come for her. We were rematched a short time later with our dd Naomi but we grieved for the dd we never saw and believe we will see her in heaven and that because we claimed her as our dd she did not die an orphan. Understand it NOT….but accepted it as IT WAS WHAT IT WAS and nothing more. You can see her beautiful face at http://www.journeytomalia.blogspot.com


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