First of all – this is irrelevant to the post, but we’re hosting our first Scarlet Threads giveaway, so go on over and check it out!


I’ve been thinking more about what I wrote yesterday, and my heart is still heavy.

Today, my friend Caroline and I talked about this brokenness.  She reminded me of something that happened in April of 2008, and then she wrote more on her blog today.  In some ways, her thoughts are a continuation of my own… more food for thought and pleas for prayer.

Something struck me in the quiet moments of this morning as I was getting ready for my day…  Many of us often say that when there are no other options, abandonment in a public place where a child is sure to be discovered is an act of love.  And it is.  I often say that myself.

But even more deeply than that, it is an act of desperation.  

A level of desperation that I will probably never experience in my entire life.

I think that’s what is grieving my heart right now…  Unlike you and me, these women have no choices.

And they never even get to know the answer to the most basic question… is my child alive or dead?

7 thoughts on “Desperation

  1. Carrie, the coolest thing happened as I read your post this morning. Our home office faces East and receives the sunrise everymorning. Today, as I sat here in front of the computer screen sobbing over what you and Caroline had written suddenly the office was filled with light. It was in that EXACT moment that the sun rose, and the color it produced was so beautiful…an orange/pinkish hue that once upon a time probably would have been described as “coral” in color.

    The contrast between the desperation of child abandonment and the beauty of the light that filled my office was so stark. I was surprised to find such a bright, beautiful light flood the room when I was crying over something so painful…but then it occurred to me that it was absolutely perfect. In the midst of the darkness of abandonment is a bright, beautiful Light that isn't missing a single moment or a single mother's tear–whether it be the birth mother or the adoptive mother. In the midst of such pain and heartache, the Beautiful One is there. Oh the glory of it all!!!


  2. My desperation came from the want of a child that will never be and yet, even without a maternal experience, my heart grieves for the desperation that would bring one to walk away from a child.
    Such deep, deep pain must reside with her – “an empty womb is never satisfied” and I venture that arms now empty are the same.



  3. Wow, another profound post! I was touched by Tara's comment though. How in the midst of the darkness of desperate abandonment ~ is THE bright and beautiful LIGHT that isn't missing a single moment or mother's tear…whether birth mother or adoptive mother. He is there with all of them! <>< My heart aches with yours. I know it is desperation that is behind most of these unselfish acts. And my heart breaks for the birth mothers who likely never know the outcome of their child's fate. But it doesn't stop me from praying that somehow Khloe's mama will one day know that she is alive and well…and oh SO loved by both of her mamas! Blessings,
    ~ Tanya


  4. rarely a day goes by that I don't think about Evan's birth mom. What she looks like, her personality, what makes her tick. Sometimes I daydream about Evan coming back as grown man, a missionary. He'd happen up on her, and give her the Gospel. I will always share him. She'll wonder about his life, but I'll living it with him. It's so not fair.


  5. With both our girls we went to the area where they were found and spent a lot of time just walking around in the hopes that SOMEONE would see our daughters and be able to tell the birth mom that they saw a baby that looked just like her, and was with an American family who was obviously crazy about the baby. We've thought about posting something in a local paper with the baby's description, b/d, finding place, etc. I'm just hoping that somehow these birth moms understand that the parents of their children feel for them, too.


  6. Sis, im glad you posted this! After reading the previous i kinda took it as you were ragging on the parents for dropping the baby. Parents who love there children would do anything fir them. This is a prime example. Daniel i know has a much better life than he would in Brazil. Miss yall and love yall. Willz


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