It’s just the two of us. Me and her. Her Daddy’s working a lot right now, and so we don’t get to see much of him. We chat with him on Skype at night before she goes to bed. She blows lots and lots of kisses. And waves. And plays peek-a-boo. And maniacally giggles when he turns the camera sideways and appears all topsy-turvy for a moment. And when she wants him to do it again, she turns her head sideways and giggle expectantly.
At first I thought this single-motherhood thing would be impossible, and I felt nervous just thinking about it. (I must say, I don’t know how single moms do it all. You women are amazing!) But I’ve been thinking today that this is just another example of how when we stay with God in the present moment, He is our daily bread… which is always more than enough. We miss Jacob a lot, but the only time I ever feel completely and utterly overwhelmed is when I’m fretting about the weeks ahead. When I just think about the plan for today, it’s totally manageable. God is present with me now… my fears for the future are just conjecture, and that’s not His territory.
She is such a delight… and one smart cookie if I say so myself! She’s learning so much every day. She knows where to look when you say, “Look, Cora, a bird!” or “Look, Cora, a plane.” Or, “It’s superman!” (Just kidding on the last one.) While she doesn’t yet say most of them, she knows the words for shoes, socks, belly button, snack, juice, drink, hungry, diaper, Sesame Street, remote, phone, book, banana… just to name a few. If you ask her where her nose is, she sticks her finger up it. If you tell her it’s time to take a nap, she runs to turn her music on. If you get out of the shower, she pulls your towel of the rack and hands it to you. I can tell she’s sort of Chinese… when she says the word “ball” it is always in the third tone – falling/rising. And when she says mama, her voice gets exceptionally soft and sweet, and she always follows it up with a hug and a kiss. We dance in the living room together. Hands lifted high, swirling and shrieking to the music. Joy oozes from her every pore.
I get a little misty-eyed when I think about how fast she’s changing, but then I’m having such a blast with her every day that I don’t want her any other way than the way she is right now. Doesn’t motherhood give you a glimpse of the Father’s heart for us? She is just such a pure delight to me. Even on the hard days – the fussy, teething, ear-infection, snot-nosed, bad sleeping, both of us crying hard days (we had a lot of those recently!) – If getting rid of the difficult moment meant letting go of her, she couldn’t be clawed from my fingers. And I think that’s how it is with the Father… even on our no good very bad days, He’s delighting in us… not for who we are or how we’re behaving or whether or not we’re pleasant to be around, but just because we are. We are His. And therefore, we are lovely. We are precious. Just like she is to me. And I don’t want to miss a moment.