Weary, Not Destroyed

A storm is blowing in.  Dark and gray and brooding, the weather seems to match my mood right now.  The wind whips and my hair lashes my face.  It seems angry, and I’m glad.  I am too.

It’s been a stormy week.  A dear friend’s brother died. Young and bright, taken by tragedy in the middle of the night.  Thunder shakes the foundations.  Another friend receives divorce papers in a too-new marriage.  Heart raw and aching when it seems who she is wasn’t enough.  Tears fall fast and furious, like the raindrops pounding on my window.  My only family torn apart, nursing an open wound of mental illness, alcohol abuse, and anger. Trying to find a way to cope when hearts are seared by pain as white as lightening and nothing ever changes… nothing ever gets a chance to mend. 

It is stormy all around.  It feels dangerous, dark, and lonely.  I know the man who speaks peace to the storm.  I know who He is, but sometimes the wind’s so loud and the rain’s so thick and the lightening’s so bright.  Sometimes I just can’t see him.  Sometimes I just can’t hear him.

I look out the window at my flowers.  The petals strain to hold on in the torrent of the storm… It seems impossible.  Wind whipping and twisting them, they hold on for dear life.  How are they not destroyed? They can be beautiful on the other side of the storm if they just hold on.

And so we do.  We hold on, trusting we were created for more than tragedy and heartache and sorrow.  We’re tender and delicate.  We can’t always find shelter.  Sometimes it feels like we are bearing the full fury of the storm, its wrath threatening to tear us apart and uproot us.  We are so small and it seems so big and all we can do is hold on. And God I can’t do this anymore-prayers come screaming from our souls.

And the miraculous thing?  In a beautiful act of redemption, the same storm that feels so threatening brings life.  The water sinks into the cracks of this desert soil… roots dig in deeper, reach down further, chasing the water they sense below.  Life flourishes… we grow – a little stronger, a little surer –  with each storm.  It isn’t that we’re never hurt, but we can heal.  For each weathered storm brings deeper roots; a deeper trust that the one who speaks peace to a storm is speaking peace to our souls.

———


It has been a hard week.  I’d love to hear how God is speaking peace to you in your circumstances right now. Sharing brings mutual encouragement, so I want/need/can’t wait to hear your stories.  Feel free to just comment – or if it is a long one, blog about it and post a link!


4 thoughts on “Weary, Not Destroyed

  1. Carrie, your words about the storms of life hold such Truth about His goodness and grace.

    It's been a bit of a stormy week here. Anxiety over a heart cath. The outcome of a loved one, a DEAR loved one's surgery.
    The loss of our friends' newly adopted daughter from China, only home 6 weeks.

    And the thing that resonates so clearly? When I'm crying those prayers of “Jesus, how much more?”

    What resonates is how obedience doesn't always mean roses and sunshine. Obedience sometimes means a storm.

    When we step out in faith to obey God, we can't control the outcome. All we know to do is obey and trust the One who is sovereign over the outcome.

    A dear friend likened it to being “vulnerable”. We obey, yet we don't know what the end of the story will look like. We open our hearts to pain and suffering, as well as joys and love.

    When we are in Christ, we are “securely vulnerable”, because nothing can separate us from His love.

    I may not be making any sense…regardless, it's been a doozy of a week around here as well. I have cried many tears, all the while knowing that in my worry and grief and disappointment, I am so close to the heart of God. It is a good place to be….if that makes any sense.

    Sending hugs…

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  2. Carrie beautiful words to describe such a hard time…
    Even though often it feels like we barely have time to breathe between the storms, I know God is always there to talk to, he will never walk away…and sometimes knowing that is all it takes to help me take a breath.

    Like

  3. Love your heart Carrie and your vulnerability on the blog. I feel like since the earthquake last year I spent most of 2011 and a lot of 2012 in a storm – fighting God because he kept me some place I did not want to be. But now, just within the last few weeks, I am finding peace and joy I have not known in a very long time, except from the day of the K Man's birth in May 2011. I am smiling again, laughing again, and I give God all of the glory. He has heard my prayer and is responding.

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  4. Carrie i am listing also in a big way . Daniel goes to college in a couple of days . We are going to go to the mountain again . For 9 pluse days another 20 miles. you need to come see us . We are not as you seem to think we are . drinking is not as much of … as you think . Brownie can not take beer or wine to heavy . Just the stuff we take weighs 150 lbs food bedding water tent ?/?? tent clothes We love you very much .

    Like

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