I’ve Got to Find a Way

Jacob’s gone camping with our next door neighbor. Cora ran herself to sleep practically chasing ducks at the park. I’ve had a quiet evening at home by myself, and I’ve been listening to this song some more.  It has essentially been on repeat for the last few weeks.

Watch it with me?

It has become a bit of an anthem for me.

You see, we’ve decided it is almost time for our family to start the adoption process.  I say almost because right now we’re in the pre-start phase that mostly involves some serious financial planning.  We don’t want to go into debt, but (especially after spending 4 years volunteering in China) we don’t have 26-30K sitting in our bedroom closet in a bag marked “adoption.” 

I’ll find a way to get you here if it takes my fleeting breath.

Yes.  Yes.  It is on my brain 24/7.  We’ve reworked our budget 1,000 times so that we can save as much money as possible to start the process.  (Our goal is to start sometime in the first of the year.)  I’ve researched selling t-shirts and coffee and everything in between.  We’ve decided to start a Scarlet Scraps Grant program through Scarlet Threads, and we’ll be the first recipient.  (Full disclosure: I still feel very funny about that, but we’ve never taken a dime from Scarlet Threads, and I think it will make me work harder to grow the organization if I know that I’m working to bring my baby home.)

There is somebody searching for the way to get you here.

Will you pray for us? 

For wisdom.  Patience.  For persistence and commitment to stick to our financial plan.  We started it a few months ago, but we haven’t made as much progress as we hoped; it is pretty strict, and we kept making exceptions.  (Which absolutely infuriates me@me… if it were Cora I were fighting for, you can bet there’d be no way in hell I would choose a few splurges at the grocery store over getting closer to my goal.  Why I haven’t seemed to hold to this plan with the same fastidious commitment is beyond me.)  Maybe you should pray for me to have some grace, too. Heh.

We could also use some prayer for peace and calming our fears.  We know what we’re walking into.  This isn’t some warm, fuzzy “we’re going to rescue a child and everything will be rainbows and butterflies” picture of adoption that we have.  We know the work of redeeming a tragedy is hard and messy, and we already feel like our parenting wisdom is stretched to the max with our perfectly healthy, never abandoned, never traumatized busy little toddler.  It’s scary.

But then I see this picture.  (Laine, if you’re reading this, I know you’ll recognize your sweet girl.) 

And this picture is a promise for me.  My heart knows that there’s another little one who needs to wrap an arm around our sweet girl.  And our sweet girl needs to wrap an arm around her brother or sister.  We don’t know how we can do this.  But we know we must.  Our arms ache to wrap around a child with no home and whisper those words I say to Cora every night… I love you.  You are precious to me.  We need them just as much as they need us.

So we’ve got to find a way.

15 thoughts on “I’ve Got to Find a Way

  1. Carrie if anyone knows what it means to love children it is you and Jacob. If anyone knows and understands what they are getting into with adoption it is you and Jacob. If anyone has the faith and strength to move through the adoption process it is you and Jacob.
    Happy thoughts and prayers to you as you work to grow your family.


  2. Please check out Both hands foundation. Average fundraising for adoption expenses is $7000. It is an amazing ministry that links widows and orphans all the while fundraising for adoption expenses.


  3. @Shari – your comment is like a breath of fresh air. Kinda like someone reminding me “just breathe” when I'm really stressed about something. I'm not sure we're much different than anyone else, but I do know that God will walk in front of us in this journey… one thing I know for sure is that his heart is for the orphans.


  4. @babslb – THANK YOU! I am watching the video now and am VERY interested in this. I wonder if there's anyone in our area that needs help… I'm definitely going to explore this. What a beautiful, beautiful idea.


  5. Carrie… I've been following your blog for over 2 years now & never commented that I remember. Your posts about Hannah had me in a pool of tears & were part of what lead us to step out in faith & start our paperwork. I love your writing & believe you are an amazing mama to Cora.
    I just feel led to share that the God you & I serve is The Great Provider. Yes you will be asked to sacrifice, but listen to His promptings & if He tells you it is time, take the leap of faith & trust He will provide every single penny at the right time. In the fall of 2010 the plan was that we were going to save everything & start paperwork in a few years. God had other plans….. Our daughter has already been home a year and now we are waiting to be matched with our son, who we started paperwork for before we traveled for Our daughter. If we had waited to save on our own we wouldnt have even started our 1st set of paperwork yet…. God has provided every step of the way & in ways we would not have received $ if we hadn't stepped out in faith first.
    He will show you the way & I cannot wait to watch your journey unfold!!! Congratulations!!!!


  6. Oh Carrie, I am SO EXCITED for you, Jacob, and Cora! I will definately be praying for you! God will make it clear and He WILL provide. That I truly believe. He is faithful.



  7. Oh dear! I can't imagine a more perfect home for a child. You and Jacob have seen and held these children and have given them hope and love. You have seen them come in with that look of “hopelessness” and “vacancy” in their eyes and both of you have helped to fill up their little tanks full of love again. You have witnessed healing a thousand times and now you will get to do this in your own home with Cora by your side. Nope…I can't think of a better family or a better sister for this precious child. I am committing to pray for all of you!!!
    P.S. I LOVE me some Crickett!!!!!


  8. We continue to pray for yall!!!! And I agree with the other sweet commenters…you and Jacob have first-hand experience with the emotional trauma, physical trauma, spiritual trauma of these orphans. Though you've never adopted officially, I know there are many that you “adopted” in your heart as you poured into them!!!!
    And I could tell you some amazing stories of how God provides for these children. AMAZING. Six adoptions in 5 years and He covered every penny and then some.
    I am so excited for yall and especially for Cora. She is going to be a sister!!!! And God already knows who will be standing next to her and squeezing her!!!
    I want to help you however I can, Carrie!!!!! Fundraising, prayer, anything!


  9. I am so SO excited for y'all, Carrie! Of course, because you'll be blessed beyond belief by growing your family through adoption, but because you'll be able to witness, first hand, all the ways God is going to show up in this!

    When I read your last sentence, “We've got to find a way.” my first thought was, you HAVE found a way… you've found The Way! And He will be in front of, beside and behind you every step of this journey 🙂

    P.S. Check out Katelyn's Fund, Village to Village Int'l and Give1Save1 Asia.


  10. Oh, this is SO wonderful! God will absolutely make a way..financially and emotionally for your family and this little one. Being on the other side of this mountain, it's so amazingly obvious how the Lord provided for Evan's adoption each and every step of the way. He even allowed another family to be made through domestic adoption too! There's no limit to what our God can do when we are obedient in stepping outside of the box, or seemingly off the plank.


  11. Today is Steffi's referral day. She brought me the calendar a minute ago showing that note, which I always print at the beginning of the year in sharpie–just like all the birthdays. Mollie's referral day is tomorrow. We do redeem and are redeemed. And God does make all things possible. We are taking all 7 of our family back to China this summer. It is all amazing. Much love to you, and prayers. Virginia


  12. Carrie, I'm an adoptive mom who has been following your blog since before your sweet Cora was born, but like Kia I don't recall that I've commented before.

    The more I know about adoption in general and international adoption in particular, the more qualms I have about the process (and my own role in it). I do not, however, have any qualms at all about you and your family stepping forward to adopt.

    Your love is immense, but as importantly I think no one could be more prepared than you are to face whatever challenges the child who joins your family will have. No American will be better equiped than you to answer the questions that child will eventually have about their story and all the missing pieces. Your love for China, the real China, and her people, has been evident to me since I started reading your blog. You will be well prepared to help your child learn what it means to be Asian in America, and how to negotiate a place between cultures.

    I don't think anyone ever feels truly up to the challenge of parenting, whether your child is adopted or biological. And I think that apprehension is a healthy thing. We won't get everything right. Every situation is unique, and there are a thousand different possible responses. The fear is to help us remember to act from love, compassion, and humility.

    I will be cheering you on!


  13. Carrie, this is so exciting to read of adoption plans. And really, your Cora is so big!!! Oh my. I know it happens as my first baby is 14 years old! YIKES!

    But anyway, I wanted to share that my DH and I have been married for 18 years. OK, I'm old LOL! But anyway, we just went back to a cash envelope system for anything that wasn't set in stone (e.g. utility bills, taekwondo lessons, insurance premiums). Those all still are done on-line from checking acct.

    But we were spending $1200/month on groceries, household stuff like comet, and eating out. And most of it went to Target, Walmart and Kroger, not eating out.

    Now, mind you, we have 6 children and 4 of them are growing boys who eat a ton a month easily.

    But since we started we have paid down more than $4,000 in adoption debt. Really?! I couldn't believe it when DH updated me tonight.

    I'm just going to be honest. We put everything on our credit card and would pay it off each month, but it was over $3,000 most months and DH just finally said enough is enough.

    So, now that same credit card (we just have the one) is $700 and guess what? We have paid for everything else with cash so we have plenty to pay the $700 and extra to pay off debt and use toward ministries God is laying on our hearts.

    When I told you how long we'd been married, it was to basically say that we thought we were fairly budget-minded but really it is never too late to dig deeper and try harder.

    I highly suggest the cash envelope system for ANYTHING you buy that is different each week/month. We also aren't eating out anymore. We ate out twice during September, but we figured out the meal was cheaper than dining in b/c of the special (free kids meals all around w/ purchase of 4 adult meals) which was cheap for our family of 8.

    I admit to you I was not really digging DH's new plan back on Sept. 1 when he broke this to me. I reluctantly agreed b/c … well, I do believe God led him to this and he is my husband and I respect that place and that this was God's leading.

    But let me tell you how humbling it is to be in line at Wal-Mart with 5 children and fumbling with my $200 in cash, and seeing the total inch closer and closer to $200 … and thinking to myself, “what will I put back if we go over?”

    And it is not that I can't find something we don't need, b/c we could do with less food, but it is just looking around thinking “is that lady behind me in line thinking we are poor or that we can't afford to feed all of these children?”

    How vain I know! But it is the truth. But as I've done this for a couple of months almost now, God has humbled me and shown me how He is providing way more abundantly than I thought a few months ago. And that when we are faithful with what He gives, somehow it really does multiply!

    As for other ideas, I encourage you to think if there are any skills you have. I made some simple postcards. Printing was cheap through vistaprint, and I made more than $900 profit from those in about 3 months. The time involved was very minimal and the whole process was so encouraging too.

    Also, gold, if you have any 14K it may be worth hundreds melted down. We made $830, exactly what we needed for that I800a application last fall, from our class rings, a couple of gold chains and a couple more very SMALL earrings. It all fit easily in DH's palm.

    We did go into debt this last time as 4 adoptions in 42 months just left our savings empty. Plus medical expenses have increased since bringing home our 4 children from China, but God has been faithful. And we didn't have to go into debt (used our HELOC which is what we're paying back down now) until travel time, which was amazing to us! We had $1.19 when we started in July 2011. We brought our baby girl home in Feb. 2012. Yes, 7 MONTHS, and God brought forth thousands of dollars in that time $10 here and $25 there.


  14. {cont. from above–sorry so long 🙂

    We set up a separate acct too. Anytime we had any $$ left after DH paid our regular expenses, he would transfer it to that acct. It was amazing how it would add up. We used it ONLY for adoption-related expenses.

    Well, this is probably WAY MORE info. than you wanted, but I had to share. I am so excited for y'all and I know God is going to bless your willingness to move forward even if the money is not there yet.


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